When did you last have a Pap Smear?

Monday 14 December 2015

This morning I woke up with a bounce in my step and after weighing myself to check my progress, I noticed that I had lost 10kg. A huge achievement and one I wanted to share. So I posted a photo on Facebook and a little statement about my progress. I was beaming.

Less than 10 minutes after basking in my proudness, I received a phone call from my Doctor’s Clinic asking me to come in ASAP to discuss results. My heart sank.

The phone call put me into an instant panic and not having a vehicle to get there, the earliest appointment I could make was Wednesday mid morning – Two whole days of freaking out and wondering what the fuck was going on. Not a chance in hell I was going to be able to deal with that.

I called my boyfriend terrified, who left work to take me to the Doctor ASAP. About 30 minutes later I get a call from him to say the car had broken down and he was on the side of the Highway. Being a mechanic, I knew that if he couldn’t get it going it was something serious. I couldn’t fucking believe it. What unbelievable bad luck. I was in full scale panic mode and the car was fucked.

Luckily Trav went into crisis mode and got everything sorted. Before I knew it he’d organised a tow truck to pick up the Tigra, got someone to pick him up and take him back to work, had organised another car and was on his way. (love him)

While all this was going on, I called my mum to fill her in and was trying to speak to the Doctor to get some more information to avoid a full scale mental riot.

Just to give you some background information, about 2.5 weeks ago, I finally got around to getting a Pap Smear and Breast Check, something that I had been putting off for years, not for any particular reason other than laziness and a prioritising of other events/activities. Ironically, that appointment had been rescheduled twice before I actually made it there! It was all very simple, painless and over quickly. I knew this, so why the hell I didn’t do it earlier is just something I’m going to have to live with.

Eventually, I got through to the doctor. My pap smear results had come back abnormal, which meant we needed to discuss the next steps and treatment options. I told her I was able to get in that day so rescheduled my appointment to 2pm knowing Trav was on his way home to me.

As soon as I got off the phone, my first thought was. Oh my god, I’ve got fucking cancer! I was in shock, and completely overwhelmed.

Obsessively, I turned to google to try and find out at least some information. HPV, biopsy, hysterectomy!! WTF was happening.

I tried to calm myself down by doing the dishes and trying to keep my mind busy, but it was just not happening.

About ten minutes after speaking with the doctor I received a call from our Real Estate Agent saying that after being on a periodic rental for a number of months they were increasing rent by $30 a week starting ASAP and they want a new Lease signed that day. Are you kidding me? I really can’t be dealing with this shit right now. I managed to be polite and realised that in the space of an hour, we’d been struck with the case of the “bad luck comes in threes”. I just hoped it stopped there.

Trav finally arrived home and thanks to his natural calm cool and collected manner, I eased my mind a bit. Just a bit. With so much to deal with, the impending appointment and what that would mean. What the hell are we going to do with the car and the real estate, well that’s just a whole other level of stress.

2pm comes around and nervously Trav and I await in the Doctor’s waiting room. This wasn’t my usual Doctor, this was the female doctor that I’d only ever seen the time I had my pap smear so I didn’t have the same relationship as my PDoc who’s treated me at least monthly for 5 years.

My name is called and we both go into her office. No sooner had the door closed, she sat down with a pen and paper and explained. It was on, shit was getting serious. Explaining it to me using a simple diagram and explanation of terminology and grading…

Abnormal cells were detected and I have what is called CIN 2-high grade. That means they are pre-cancer cells.


Cancer, fuck, there was that word again. Tears were streaming down my face as I listened to her explain to me the next steps and possible procedures.

A referral was written for a specialist to organise a colposcopy to have a biopsy and remove all the damaged cells and tissue.

This is common and very treatable. But I tell you what after all of my “Bipolar” stuff, having to overcome this next hurdle has got me scared.

Now it’s just a waiting game and I hate waiting!

*cervical intraepithelial neoplasia (CIN)

UPDATE – 31/12/15

I received a call today confirming that I am booked in to get a Colposcopy on January 11 at 9am at Robina Hospital. Sooner rather than later. Thank the Universe. I’m not so much as scared now as impatient. I just want the procedure done, get the all clear from the biopsy and move on with my life.


GET YOUR PAP SMEAR DONE EVERY TWO YEARS – Prevention is better than Cure.


As you regular readers would know, I’ve struggled with my weight for years. I’ve always been on the softer side but had a womanly body.

Below is a pic of me at the tender age of 15 – as you can imagine, I received a lot of unwanted male attention having such a developed and womanly body.

weight loss missy 15

I was always bigger than my friends, more athletic, bigger boobs, solid legs and I dealt with the usual teenage bullying. I used to get called Butch and Thunder Thighs – kids can be cruel.

I can’t blame that behaviour for my body issues, but it definitely didn’t help. I would come home crying from school because I hated my legs and believed I was fat. And to top it off, a male role model in my life had a very distorted view of the female body and how it should look, and in his eyes I didn’t fit that mould so I experienced a lot of pressure. I didn’t develop any eating disorders but I believe these factors contributed to my unhealthy body image and the way I looked after myself.

When I hit my twenties, and by then the Bipolar symptoms were in full scale, drug and alcohol abuse was a part of my daily life. I was still always “curvy” but toned and in shape. Once I started taking medication, the weight piled on. 10kg, 20kg and eventually 30kg.

I tried to lose the weight, changed my diet, exercised but nothing helped, so I guess I just gave up. About 5 years ago it was discovered that I had an underactive thyroid and was given meds to counter act that, which unfortunately gave me severe acne so I stopped taking that after a few months.

My weight plateaued and I just accepted the fact that I would always continue to carry this extra weight. Last year, when I was admitted to hospital for Lithium Toxicity, the Doctors discovered my kidney’s were working at less than 20% and my thyroid was at an extreme level.

My kidney’s have repaired themselves luckily and this year my body has been healing. My thyroid was still underactive so I might lose the odd kilo here and there but nothing substantial. About 6 weeks ago after a blood test I was put on a new thyroid medication with no side effects.

My goal throughout the year had been to lose 15kg. It’s now 31 December and I’ve lost 12kg. I am so unbelievably happy and it dropped off without me even realising.

So how did I do it?

Well, firstly my body is now operating the way it should be, thanks to my thyroid stabilising. If you are about to embark on a weight loss/fitness journey, make sure you seek advice from your GP and get your blood and everything tested to ensure you have a clean and workable slate. It will also teach you to understand how your body works, what it may lack or not need etc…

Secondly, I cut down food portions. Sounds simple enough but I hadn’t really realised how my meal sizes had crept up and that I had been eating everything off my plate like the piggy I was. So, I pretty much halved my portions. Even though I was still eating everything (a smaller plate is a great way to trick your brain too) off my plate it was half the fat, half the calories. I didn’t get hungry which I thought I would, but I think making these changes in Summer when it’s hotter and your appetite reduces anyway.. well mine usually does.

Thirdly, I made a conscious decision to drink filtered/mineral water. I’ve always been a big water drinker but usually from the tap. Switching to bottled water has made a difference in detoxing and shows in my skin.

Exercise is not my friend. Never really has been, but being active is. I was lucky enough to be supported by Sharks Fitness Centre during 2015, but due to my own issues, recovering from my hospitalisation and lack of motivation and knowledge, I discovered once and for all that the gym just isn’t for me, and that’s ok. It’s not for everyone. I discovered the 7min workout which is fantastic and although I don’t do it every day, it’s helped too. There are a bunch of different apps available to download, so work out what is best for you.

I’m super proud of myself for my results and I’m looking forward to continuing them in 2016. The goal is at least another 10kg – which I haven’t put a time limit on – and I’m confident with the small changes I’ve put in place and learning more about food, it will be easy!

If you are struggling to lose weight and manage your mental health, I’m always open to talk – anytime day or night. Everyone works differently and what has worked for me may not work for you. But the most important thing is not to put too much pressure on yourself which is what I’ve been doing for years. I knew the reasons why I couldn’t lose weight, which was out of my control but I pushed and forced myself and it was a fucking disaster.

Be gentle with yourself and it will happen.